負け犬( Defeated Dog)

這是我家的忠狗小白，跟主題沒有關係(This is my dog, Whity, which is irrelevant to my topic)

前年第一次的民航特考考過了，卻因為自己想太多，搭火車到新竹時候折返回來拿根本不需要的身分證，遲到扣分結果性向測驗被刷下來。第二次的民航特考考過了，體檢發現得到淋巴癌，好像因為這一點 (無法確認) 性向測驗又被刷下來。還好中華民國男生有天殺的兵役問題時間好像多到用不完，本年度第三次挑戰成為民航人，卻敗在一科想也想不到的英文。

I passed the first stage of ATC(Air Traffic Control) exam 2 years ago, but I was failed becasuse I thought too much. On my way to Taipei to the sec test, I thought I forgot to bring the ID card which was not required. And I lost points for being late and failed, of couse. Last year, I past the first stage of ATC, again, and had physical check. At that time I was dignosed of having Hodgkin's Disease. And (possiblely) because of it, I failed again. Thanks to ROC males have sufficient time to kill during the army obligation. This year, I took the third test, but failed again in the English, the unbelivable subject.



我想這個應該是神要跟我說的話吧，嗯。

I'm supposed that this is the God Almighty wanna to speak to me, huh.



我的個性不適合成為塔台飛航管制人員，太粗心、太容易緊張了。這次考試考英文的時候，因為前兩年都是高分接近八十通過低標六十，很自然而然的"想當然爾" 今年也應該很簡單，於是題目並沒有多看，用飆的做完，檢查一遍就提早交卷了。仔細回想一些細節包括忘記攜帶手錶掌握時間、有感覺單字詞彙增加難度等，都是可以及早預料到並且反應的。簡直就像大空難發生、事故調查委員發現有好幾百個因素同時出現、有一個免掉就不會發生一樣。假如我有戴手錶... 我就可以有更充裕的時間.... 假如可以更小心....。真是千金難買早知道、後悔沒有特效藥。 更有好幾題是看太快、超級簡單但是是個陷阱題，可以識破的。事後對答案時，我幾乎內心在淌血，心如刀割莫過於此

My personality is not a ATC type. I'm too reckless, and esay to get nervous. Because I did very well in the last 2 year English test ( nearly 80/100), I thought it was a piece of cake for me to pass the level (60/100). I did not do the test carefully but wrote the paper as fast as I could. After I did the double check, I passed the sheet to the examiner. I forgot to bring the watch to use the time well, I had a sinking feeling when I saw many new vocabularies. It could have been possibley avoided but I didn't. It was like an aviation accident caused by thousands of reasons when being investigated by the National Transportation Safety Board. Had I brought the watch with me on the test,... Were if I more careful.. bra bra bra. My heart was almost torn to pieces when I caculated the points after the exam.


日文形容打敗戰、落荒而逃有一個很貼切的形容詞: - 負け犬 (MAKEINU) 意思是形容敗戰之犬 (喪家犬)，打架打輸了夾著尾巴跑得遠遠的狂吠的狗。"今さら何を言っても負け犬の遠吠えだ, いまさらなにをいってもまけいぬのとおぼえだ" (現在說什麼都像是喪家犬在遠吠 冏) .... 真是像是我心情寫照。英文口試這科目考八十六分也無法彌補英文選擇題與翻譯只有五十一分的痛。虧我還自稱是外文系的，(實際上也是靠這個混飯吃的) 英文考不到六十分真是無言見江東父老。..吾不禁自嘆曰:「天生一具銅觔鐵肋,不使立勳萬里外,乃槁死三尺蒿下,命也..!亦時也!....尚何言!」遂入大湖種草莓為農夫。

In Japanese, a very well-written adjective for the situation "MAKEINU" which means a defeated dog howls and runs away. "IMASARA NINIO ITEMO MADEINU NO TOOBOEDA" (It's 「no use saying [just like the howling of a defeated dog to say] anything now.) well it is just like how I feel. What I did 86 out of 100 in the English Oral test cannot mend the problem merely 51/100 in the English multiple choice and traslation. Shame on me how dare I claimed my major is English. ( I acturally make money on it) It really had me no ground not to make 60/100 points. I can't help thinking : "Though I have an eye for English learning but I didn't do well. Time and fate gave me no alternative" Maybe I just quit and be a strawberry farmer for good.


轉眼從去年十月初發現淋巴癌到現在快要滿一年了。

All of sudden, it's almost been a year since last october that I was dignosed of having Hodgkin's Disease.



我感謝神，也跟神禱告，如果這是該給我的工作那就讓我通過吧! 如果不是，那今年就讓它不過吧! 即使通過了筆試，後面的體檢、性向測驗、.. 一堆有的沒有的測試也會把身體狀況不好的我給幹掉的。每年準備考試也是要拼死拼活的，不如早死早超生，我是鐵了心懷著今年要跟民航說掰掰的意圖去考試的。

I give my thanks to God, and pary, too. If ATC is the right job for me, then pass the test this time. If not, I am done with it. Even if I pass the first stage, there are lots of following tests could flunk me out with my poor health condition. I prepared a lot every year for this test. I rather die earlier than hard if I'm bounded not for this job. I said I pull no punches and show no mercy to the test this year.



九月初去做檢查，當放射治療科的主任跟我說: 依照多年的經驗，放射治療後，斷層掃描顯示的腫瘤現在剩下的應該都只是無害的組織了。我頓時鬆了一口氣，至少不用活在"何杰金氏症第三期的病人只有百分之四十存活率"的陰影下。

At least it is a good thing that the Gereral Dr. in the Radiation Dep. said to me that the only stuff remain in my chest should be nothing more than ineffective tissue, according to the cat scan. I am relief now. For the moment, I don't have to worry the saying that "60 percent Patients who suffer from Hodgkin's Disease III would pass away "

十二月第一次後續追蹤報告。
Procceed the first following phisical exam in DEC.


後記: 繼阿不思‧鄧不利多不幸罹患何杰金氏症辭世後，藝人比莉也得到淋巴癌，並接受化療 (媒體沒有披露是何杰金氏症或是非何杰金氏症)

Note: Due to the failure of English test, I start to write the bilingual BLOG from now on. Please be free to write down any comments, including gramma mistakes. Thanks a lot !